How many of you want to be more like Jesus?Before you all say yes, take a minute to really think about the question. Think about exactly what being like Jesus means. Now, how many of you are willing to undergo the process of becoming like Jesus? The process of exposure and pruning. The process of being tested in every obstacle of life? Many people don't realize this is necessary in the refining process. If you want your end result to look like Jesus, then you must be aware and ready for God to do some major exposure of your heart.
When we pray and ask God to make us more like Jesus, we willingly ask Him to come inside and remove everything that isn't like Him. This is where things get ugly and messy; but the outcome is always a beautiful masterpiece. During this process, God begins to perform an open heart transplant on us. But instead of you being sedated on drugs to help you sleep through the process and make you numb to the pain; God keeps you awake through it all. It is during this process, where we really learn how weak we are and how much we need our Savior.
To be honest with you all, this is where God has me. I am in the refining process and I feel as though I am in the lowest valley I have ever been in. I can look back in my prayer journal and see many prayers written asking God to make me more like Him. I always find myself saying "more of You and less of me God" and not realizing the gist of what I was asking God to do. Now here I find myself daily crying out to God asking Him to help me get through this process. This blog isn't like the others where I give you some sort of lesson on Scripture, but it is more of a transparent post. I haven't blogged in almost a year and I just felt it was time to update everyone on where God has me because i so strongly feel many of you are in the refining process like me.
Since my last post, God has continually been faithful to me. His love goes on and on and on for me and I still am trying to grasp the idea of "why me?" Why do I deserve all of the love He gives me? Some days it is so hard for me to accept His love, because I am so unworthy. This past year, God placed it on my heart to start going to a bible college and study Biblical Counseling. He then proceeded to open the door for me to go to Thailand and spread the gospel. I am still in disbelief at how He provided for my trip. Then, He showed His love and kindness again by giving me a new job that works well with my school schedule and I am able to afford daycare. Now, He has called me to go to Germany and Hungary in March to spread the gospel. It has been a long journey to get to where I am now, and I am still being prepared for the next season of my life. So what exactly is the next season in my life? I believe God is calling me to the nations. I don't know exactly what that will look like but I know this is what is in His will for my life. But whatever it may look like I am willing to be His hands and feet.
So you're probably wondering, what does this have to do with the refining process of becoming like Jesus? Well, in order for me to minister to the nations, God has to refine me. God is making me to be more like Him so that I can effectively spread His gospel. I can't go out to the nations with hate my heart and preach on a message of loving one another? That would be hypocritical of me. That is why God is refining me. I have had seasons where God has worked on my heart, but this season He is pulling up some deep roots. These roots were watered and nurtured for years and created a garden full of lies, deception, hurt and rage. This pruning season of my life isn't easy. What took years to create so much damage will take a long time to remove the hurt and repair my heart. So many of my problems I have had and what I currently am dealing with stem from either 1 of 2 of these deep roots that God is plucking from my heart; which is insecurity and inferiority.
I didn't realize how deep the spirit of insecurity and inferiority had made its way into my heart until the other day. I was just crying out to God asking Him, why on earth do i feel so miserable when I am so blessed? And He spoke to me "Truth is not based on your emotions, your worth is not based on your performance and that is the scale you have been judging yourself by. You don't know how to receive my love, you won't allow yourself to because you don't think you are worthy of my love because of your past. You count yourself as a failure because you can't do what the next person does, but what you fail to realize is in your weakness thats when I am made strong. No longer do you have to find your security in man but in Me. No longer do you have to feel inferior to others because you are a royal priesthood, you are one of my chosen people, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Receive my love." After that, I made up my mind to receive God's love despite how I see myself. This is a daily struggle for me. Everyday I don't feel good enough of equipped as many others, but then God knocks on the door of my heart and when I let Him in He sings and lavishes His love upon me and reminds me that I am His. I don't have to do a thing to access His smile, His delight, His love because He freely gives it to me. His love goes on and on and on and on. He breaks off the lies of insecurity and inferiority off of me with the truth of His word.
This revelation of God's love has been the only medication to help me get through this refining process. While God continues daily to perform surgery on my heart and remove all roots of insecurity and inferiority I remind myself that he does this because He loves me and wants me to walk in truth and the full revelation of who He has called me to be. There is literally thousands of lies I have believed about myself that I spoke over myself or someone close to me has spoken over me that has deepened the roots of insecurity and inferiority. Everyday when a lie is exposed, the Lord breaks off the bondage that the lie had me in with the truth of His word.
This is an emotional process, things that I buried away in my heart from my past is being brought back up and I am remembering things I pushed to the back of my mind and the pain is unimaginable. Yet, daily God is reminding me that His love is deeper than any ocean. I am so thankful that God knew I wouldn't have been able to handle the fullness of Him answering my prayers of Him making me like Jesus, so He continually is showering me with His unending love.
So, my encouragement to you is to trust God with your heart. Allow Him to go in and remove things that is hindering you to go forward in your walk with Him. Don't despise the refining process that comes with being like Jesus. Through it all, God will speak truth over you and fill you with more of Him. Be encouraged in the fact that He is so diligent in making sure that you know your worth. We serve such a good God!
